Latina Mom Groupies, TKA & Freestyle Music

I have a dirty little secret: I love freestyle. Not freestyle where MCs spit off the dome but the type of music that guidos know all the words to. Blame my sisters for buying those vinyl records in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s—TKA, George Lamond, and a bunch of other brown folk. Fortunately for me the wife works for KTU, the only NY radio station that still plays freestyle. This past Saturday we attended Beatstock, think Hot 97's Summer Jam minus weed smoke plus spiky hair. The headliners were Danity Kane and Pussycat Dolls. Kane hit the stage minus the slutty one and came off rushed but PSD definitely upstaged Diddy's experiment. Oddly enough the freestyle acts closed the show; probably because they were paid in platanos (side note: they're 3 for a dollar now!). First up was Coro and his trio of dancers, who I'm convinced were his wife, son and brother.

Up to this point it was a predominantly Italian American affair but once the first visible beaner (DK’s Aundrea isn’t repping hard) hit the stage a Puerto Rican flag popped out of nowhere. Attached to it was a middle-aged boricua lady with a beer in hand and a nice Lemon Tree haircut. Then came Cynthia (“Change on Me”) and Cindy Martinez, who we referred to as Saggy Martinez because her titties were high-fiving her knees. After these scallywags came two of the few freestyle acts who had talent—Lamond and TKA. Lamond, who doesn't look a day over 30, belted out “Look Into My Eyes,” “Where Does That Leave Love,” etc. Aside from his intro, where they reminded everyone that he was signed to Columbia (tear) his set was on point. TKA took over the crowd with their infectious hits: “One Way Love,” “Maria,” and more. K7, their lead singer, still has killer chops and has also aged well, pause. All the while I was thinking do these guys still get groupies? They must because they got “oohhs” and “ahhhs” every time they moved their packages, pause. Come to think of it some well-aged Latina mom ass should be better than a groupie at a hair metal contest. Here's the wrap-up: dope concert, great memories, long live freestyle.

Uno,

Jesus