I Used To Love Them

What a difference a ring (and some years) makes? Back when I was 18 I remember loving the summer for one big reason: short shorts. The girls of Sunset Park, BK, aka hoodrats used rock'em throughout the three hot months. They would come in a variety of designs but they all had one thing in common: they were shorter than Bridget the Midget (too much Howard Stern). I would put the sunglasses on and check'em out and at times kick my 18-year-old game to them. It didn't matter if they had ass for days or pancake butt; a short short would make it seem like they had a dope bubble. Also, in these instances a wedgie is the best thing that could happen.

Today it's much different. If I do look at these girls it's in a completely different light. A feeling of sadness—like this is all they aspire to being eye candy for dudes. Mind you some of the girls that I checked for back in the day are still busting out their shorts in June. Only now they're mothers and not the milfy kind. I saw this 14-year-old yesterday rocking shorts so tight it made her legs red with grown ass men hollering. She reveled in the attention. Now I know I might get some slack from some of y’all. But there’s a time and place for any type of garb. In the bedroom, for a King Magazine shoot (I see you Sean) or if you’re a Brazilian supermodel. But imagine your girl walking around in some tight short shorts getting hit on by lames. Not a good look. Having nieces and especially wife now all I could do is a feel sorry for her. The only way she thinks a woman can be sexy is by showing off the goods. Cue “Sally’s Got A One Track Mind.”

Uno,

Jesus