I Think Slumdog Millionaire Made Me Racist

I say this because ever since I saw Slumdog Millionaire a few months back, every time I see a young Indian couple I think of the movie. Perhaps it’s just an innocent image association thing my mind plays on me. The fairy tale-ending flick (with the ill Bollywood dance number closer) has infiltrated my mind the same way City of God did. Even though I would love to travel to Brazil, there’s something in my mind that says, “Watch out for those favelas! It ain’t like any barrio U.S.A!”

In retrospect, one of Slumdog’s goals was probably to provide a positive image for India and its people. If I think of Jamal and Latika dancing in the middle of a train platform every time I see an Indian couple is it that bad? Who knows what they think when they see me? Perhaps, they view me as a drug dealing illegal immigrant who doesn’t speak English. Hmmm…I’ll go with the dancing number.

Uno,

Jesus

The Case of the Teflon Pan

One of things I love/hate about marriage is the ridiculous mini fights. After a long day of work the exact words I want to hear on the other end of the phone are, "Why did you use the metal spatula on the pan?" Really? She continues, "You have to use the wooden spoon on that one...it's our only Teflon pan." Really? "This is the third time!" Really? It's a pan. Who gives a fruck? Apparently my wife does and she wants to make sure she keeps her Teflon pan scratch-free. What can you do in instances like this? I laughed it off because a) I’ll probably do it again and b) she’s really tired from work and will probably forget it. So the next time your girl/wife screams at you over a something ridiculous just smile and keep it moving. You might get a nice meal out of it…I did.

Uno,

Jesus

25 Things You Should Know About My Wife

OK so I'm jumping on Facebook's “25 things you should know about me” bandwagon . . . but I'm doing it with a twist. Rather than bore you with my facts, I'll list 25 things you should know about my wife. She’s prettier.

1. She's adorable, beautiful, sexy, etc.
2. She's my wife. Sorry ladies I'm taken (word to TG)
3. She dated losers in the past. I'm assuming.
4. She's extremely close to her sister Diana. Like extremely.
5. During her Hofstra years she was known as Yva the Diva on her radio show.
6. She was a radio personality on Long Island's WBLI.
7. She has three little brothers…who aren’t little anymore.
8. Her favorite movie is Clueless.
9. She thinks Paul Pierce is a flopper and therefore hates him.
10. She loves my mom's food.
11. She has a crush on Manolo Cardona, a Colombian soap actor.
12. She has perfect dimples.
13. She was an Angie Martinez fan. Thanks to Angie & DJ Enuff we met.
14. She can't watch horror flicks. She made me walk out of The Hills Have Eyes.
15. Her two best friends moved away and she misses them everyday. Adri in Miami and Pris in San Diego.
16. She thinks her cuz Teji is mad smart....she is.
17. She supports everything I do.
18. She's always late (see Glamour Magazine later this year).
19. She always gets complimented on her curly locks.
20. 90% of the time she sings when we play Rock Band
21. She loves White Zinfandel
22. She has great fashion sense
23. She's always smiling and has great teeth. She actually considered being a dentist.
24. She loves pop music. As far as rap, she's really into Game and Weezy right now but she is so not hip-hop.
25. It's her birthday tomorrow. Bonus: Aquarius and Gemini have great chemistry (word to Walter Mercado).
And one for good luck: 26. I love her with all my heart and vice versa.

I could go one but I wouldn’t want y’all to puke.

Uno,

Jesus