The Game’s Spanish > Prodigy’s Spanish

Back when the media hyped “Latin Boom” was going down in the late ‘90s, many a rapper would sprinkle their rhymes with Spanish words and even diddled Latina mujeres (I see you Diddy). For the most part, they just came off cornier than tortillas. Now in 2008 I’ve heard one good Spanish-inspired rap track and a bad one by non-Latino MCs.

The first one was Prodigy’s “ABC”; granted it was done by a machine which it creepy in itself and overall wack. The other one I heard today courtesy of my homie J-Rod. He posted “Spanglish,” a bonus track off of The Game’s LAX. Game actually does a great job repping for Latinos, albeit, Mexicans because he is from L.A. and La Raza is king over there. He drops Spanish slang used mainly by gang bangers mejicanos like the cats in American Me. Game’s song doesn’t come off as a weak attempt to garner a Latino audience because he’s been down with us for a minute. Last year he co-signed the West Coast’s Latino rap hope, Omar Cruz, who I’ve been staunch supporter as well. So cheers to The Game for showing that black and brown can come together. Now if only Obama would take a page from Chappelle’s book and select a Latino vice president. “Siiiiiiiiiii!”

Uno,

Jesus

Tall Guys vs. Short Guys (Pause)

The other night the wife and I were watching a 20/20 special about the top 10 sexual myths. The usual topics were covered like, Do women prefer a large dong? Pause. If you were wondering it's yes fellas; and the wider your tool, pause, the bigger the Kool Aid smile on your girl. All that aside the one myth that hit home was the height factor.

I've never had a problem with my stature. Maybe back in junior high when the first girl to develop chesticles was taller than me shot me down for a date. But that was it. Yva was squirming around during the segment saying, "I love your height." Yeah, OK and I love shopping for dresses with you. She loves me, yes, but I'm the opposite of who she used to date. She told me she used to date guys who were 5"11 and up, car owners, and were gangbanging douchbags. I kid of course about her only dating car owners. Either way I was the shortest guy she ever dated. Lucky for her I always dated girls with plump bottoms. Real lucky. Have you ladies ever dated a short dude?

Uno,

Jesus

I Bought My First New Rap Album In 4 Years…

One of the best perks of being a rap mag editor was getting all the hot new music for free. They came in bunches especially when I sparked up deals with label cats; they would send me CDs and I would send them mags. But once I got jaded with the state of music, specifically rap, all the free ish just started collecting dust. Now, being an editor of a Latino site I can still hit up my contacts for free CDs but I rarely do. Or I could ask one of my homies to burn me a copy. But I don’t anymore.

But today, for the first time in four years, I bought a new rap album. I say new because I have splurged on CDs from the early ‘90s like Red’s first album. I went to Borders and picked up Ice Cube’s Raw Footage. Why would I pick up an album by a family flick actor? Well, because he’s still muhfucking nasty and he's also responsible for birthing this gangsta rap shit. Cube, and many of my compadres will agree, is rapping with a purpose like he's still jackin for beats. While paying for my Cube album I also donated a book for the NYC Public School system. How often can you say I bought a gangsta rap album and donated a book to a public school? Exactly.

Uno,

Jesus

“You only made eggs for yourself?” Yep!

Once you get married you become a union...you're one...and all that crap. Meaning if you're unselfish as a single guy then you'll become a bit more self-centered with a wedding band on. If you're selfish to begin with well you'll just be reminded by your wife...over and over again.

Case in point: I get up a bit early today to make some egg whites on wheat toast (trying to get my healthy eating on). We usually don't make breakfast during the work week but I was planning to do so because we bought eggs at BJs, pause, and because well you gotta save nowadays. I told her the night before, “Do you me to make you breakfast?” She said, "No, I’ll probably be out of here by then." Cool. I get up and go straight to cooking and say hello to the wife. I was moving hastily because I had to leave for work. Once I’m in the bathroom, I hear Yva from the kitchen yelling, “You only made eggs for yourself!" Yes, dear because in my half asleep body I had two things on my mind: cook my breakfast and wash my ass. She said something else but by that time she started sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher. Oh, and in case you haven't heard I'm selfish.

Uno,

Jesus

Say It Ain’t So Uncle Ralph!

This weekend reminded that I’m a lounge-type of dude nowadays. It’s not a married dude thang it’s more of a state-of-mind thang. Saturday night the wife and a few friends went to Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square. We waited outside for a couple…far too long for my taste and once we were in we went straight to the bar. The crowd was mixed but in a bad way—there wasn’t a definitive flavor. You had posers, players, drug dealers and hoochies all around but with no possible flow.

My frown was turned upside down once I saw who was DJing. Ralph McDaniels! The Video Music Box OG—Ralph “I directed some dope ass Wu Tang videos” McDaniels. He was spinning some current joints (ie: Weezy) which had the crowd amp. The set was going live but it turned sour quick. First he freezes after a song. No music! I’m assuming it doesn’t happen often since he is an NYC legend so I gave him a pass. But the next offense was just corny. After a Wayne set he puts on Elvis Crespo’s “Suavemente.” He might as well just put Gerardo’s “Rico Suave.” The crowd looks baffled and so do I. The only ones dancing were the WPs with their Asian gfs. On this night Uncle Ralph truly came off like your uncle—old and corny.

Uno,

Jesus

(Some of) Spain Shows Its True Colors

Have you heard the one where the Spanish national basketball team makes “slanted eyes” for a flick? No? Well, it’s not that funny. We as Americans, yes, are a tad more PC than the rest of the world but some actions are indefensible. The shot above was an ad sponsored by Spanish courier company, Seur and ironically enough also by Chinese company Li-Ning Footwear to appear in Marca, a Spanish mag. As a Latino AKA of mixed Spanish and Indian blood I understand how La Madre Patria can be. Dating back to when they conquered AKA raped mi gente’s (Incas) land, Spaniards have always looked down on Latin Americans.

I’m sure most Spaniards are not racist but this pic only reinforces that stereotype. “No eres de sangre pura (You’re not of pure [Spanish] blood),” they would say. That’s why as much as Spain is a cosmetically beautiful country I have no intention of ever visiting. That’s why when they lump Antonio Banderas, Penelope Cruz and even the great Javier Bardem into Latino Hollywood I ain’t claiming them. They’re Spaniards, Europeans and Hispanics meaning from the Iberian Peninsula (Spain & Portugal) not meaning the U.S. government label placed upon us.

Here’s a response from one of the Spanish team’s ballers, Jose Calderon, who also plays for the Toronto Raptors.

“We did it because we thought it was going to be something nice, something with no problem,” Calderon told Yahoo! Sports. “But somebody wants to talk about it. It is too much of a big deal with you guys (the media) and everybody talking about that.”

SMH. Yep, I guess it was the media back in the 1500s that spawned the villainous image of the gold-grubbing, raping Spanish conquistador. Oh no, wait, that was history.

Uno,

Jesus

“And she loves to show me off, of course / Smiles every time my ‘byline’ is up in The Source”

Like every hip-hop journalist before me along with some of my contemporaries, one of my wishes was to get a byline in The Source. This is before it became more like a badly-run record label than our Rolling Stone. Along with Slam, The Source was one of the only places I could see bylines with Latino surnames like Rodriguez. So in 2004, once Adam Matthews introduced me to Jerry L. Barrow, one of the last fine editors from The Source, it was on. JB can attest; I hounded him every week until he gave me an assignment. Our phone convos would go like this: “Heeey, Jesus,” he would say. “Hey Jerry, how have you been? How’s the family?,” I would ask. Mind you, I didn’t even know his fam at that point.

In either case, I called so much that he finally decided to give an assignment. It was a “Microphone Check” on F.A.T.S., Rodney Jerkins’ artist who never dropped an album. I eventually received a kill fee because the piece didn’t run but I eventually did get my Source byline. It may sound corny or insane now but it was one of the proudest moments in my life. Not only did I get my name is my book but a first name like “Jesus” I’m sure I inspired other Latino kids to grab their pen and pad. Why did I drop this story now? Well, because the rejuvenated Source dropped their 20th anniversary issues this week with Nas and LL Cool J on separate covers. Covers shot by BK’s own Spike Lee. So for the first time in years I’m gonna cop The Source to save it with the rest of my mags. Now if they could only figure out a way to pay some of peeps for their work.

Uno,

Jesus