Monday, May 18, 2009
Grey's Anatomy is consuming my wife and her BFF Pris. Pris and Oz were in town from sunny San Diego so we decided to go to the new Yankee (gag) Stadium and watch A-Rod walk three times. Even though the wives were entertained their convo mainly focused on the Grey season finale. They were even spotted on the Jumbotron and didn't realize it because Izzy is on her death bed aka the writers are killing her off because Katherine Heigal is a dbag. But I started thinking (mind you I'm a Met fan) that Yankee baseball and Grey's Anatomy are quite similar. See below.
Derek Jeter is a combination of McDreamy and McSteamy: Jeter is a fan fave who is the consummate pro. Yet, he has scumbag tendencies like McSteamy because he dips his pen in a lot, a lot of ink.
Token Asians: Hideki Matsui and Sandra Oh...I'd go with Godzilla.
A-Rod is Grey: he's an emotional wreck, has a man crush on Jeter and has used steroids. Grey is an emotional wreck, is married to McDreamy and has used botox on her leathery face. Ding, ding, ding.
While the Yankee boast more Latinos than a WKTU freestyle concert, Grey’s has one Latina—Sara Ramirez. And that’s the biggest dissimilarity. PS: Yankees suck.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I'm a mama's boy. It didn't hit me until I got married and called my mom a couple of times every day. She raised me the good ol’ Latino way: chancleta, metal spoon, Nintendo controller cord basically whatever she can get in a good whooping. Time outs are for sissies, kids. With Mother’s Day coming on Sunday it made me (and my ass) remember the top worst beatings she ever gave me.
5.At 2-years-old I used to hold my breath when I didn't get my way. My mom tossed me into a tub of cold water. Imagine shrinkage as a toddler. Brrrrr!
4.Throughout my childhood when I acted up my mom and her henchwomen aka my older sisters would hold me down on the floor. Ma dukes would proceed to lay the power of dad’s belt on me.
3.Random smacks. It'd be a pleasant day and I’d get a smack in the face. For what? Something I did the week ago and she always made sure I got checked. Funny how moms always say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” Nope!
2. At age 5, I called my mom a bitch in a video store. She laid down the smack down. No He-Man movie for me.
1. At 12, the height of my assholism, my mom gave me the beating of my lifetime. I had been acting up in school, hanging with hoodlums, doing graffiti, etc. My mom found out I got a C in Spanish (can you imagine?) and I hid the report card! Envision a female mini version of Manny Pacquiao vs. Bambi. I was Bambi.
Aside from good ol' fashioned Latin American discipline my mom is a great mom. I love you mom with all my heart so enjoy your day. I scoff at my sisters when they give my nieces timeouts. Those damn hypocrite henchwomen!